where’d you get your clothes? the toilet store?
my dad called me and told me to come home 3 times in voicemails. I WAS AT WORK. WTF.
i really am itching to leave again. only a couple more months and i’m outttaaa heee-uh! melanie wants me to move to sac so that she and derrick can move there and then jesse can move there and we can all be one happy half-white/half-filipino family! aw man, i wish, i wish. i’ve been planning for sj, and i told myself i’d go to sf before i went to sac. it’s tempting.. i’d always wanted to be in a bi-racial family…
my dad left me a note (IMPORTANT! URGENT!) asking when i attended hs, sc, and solano. i can’t produce those dates instantly! it requires a lot of delving into xangas, since the schools’ prospective websites aren’t helpful at all. soo.. for future reference/trivia:
vallejo high: sept 2, 2003 - june 14, 2007.
ucsc: sept 27, 2007 - june 10(ish), 2008.
solano: aug 18, 2008 - present.
as i’ve mentioned, finding these dates required a lot of delving. i glanced through the year 2008. it was a sad time indeed. i was definitely depressed. i’m surprised i didn’t ask for help sooner, or no one told me i needed help. when i juxtapose 2007 and 2008, there was a definite difference in behavior, syntax, frequency of posts, and diction. so i’m gonna go out on a limb and say if you suspect you have depression, definitely do something about it. no one is ever meant to feel like shit every day of their life. as a human, you are entitled to happiness.
in retrospect, i have made so much progress. i still have my moments of depressive thinking, but i feel that i am better equipped at managing them. i am no longer lonely or closed-off. i no longer feel inadequate, like a failure, or ashamed. i have a few friends as opposed to none, and though they may not know it, i am very grateful towards them for making me feel human again. i am especially grateful towards my brand-spankin’-new boyfriend who is learning to help me through my bouts of depression, empathizes, keeps me grounded, and makes my happiness priority one. i thank him for being my friend first and not just some dude who was tryna get at me from day one. i thank him for seeing me as cool and interesting and worth getting to know. ultimately, i am just thankful in general for living. i realize now life was never out to get me. i love life, i do, even though it’s a bitch sometimes.
