Typed on an iPod touch. How lazy have I gotten?
Jesse & I have decided to take 1.5 steps back into a less intense, less time consuming and less volatile relationship. In short, we basically plan to re-commence being not-boyfriend and not-girlfriend. If that continues fairly well even when I leave for San Jose, we can once again entertain the idea of being fully-fledged.
I don’t know.. I really just dk. We both have issues outside of each other we can’t fix while still with each other… We still love each other but for some strange phenomenon, we just can’t function effectively together. I haven’t lost him completely, I mean, I know he’s still gonna be around but even so, I can’t help but feel an enormous void in my heart. How do you go back to having just a fraction of a person after having all of him? If two people love each other without question, why can’t it just work? To me, that just seems like a cruel joke.. I don’t know what to do with myself. I kinda just wanna lie in bed for the next century or so. Fml to the max. I wish that love would conquer logic. I wish it wasn’t true that this milder version of a relationship wasn’t necessary due to circumstance. There’s just so many things I wish were instead of this. It breaks my heart that I can’t be with the person I love, and sucks more that he still loves me back. If we hated each other this would suck less.. But then that wouldn’t make for as interesting a story.
Someone throw me a life preserver. I think I’m drowning.
